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Myself Misspelled

by Brimheim

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1.
I’m swimming through your arteries I can barely breathe in the cavities of your wisdom teeth but I can always feel the blood running through the four chambers of your beating heart A faint light shining through all of your open wounds When you hold your breath We’re both closer to death at least for a minute or two Oh the crack of your neck when you turn your head there’s a sticky dark pool of blood in your bed I’m swimming through your arteries I don’t wanna leave your anatomy I am the insanity of an incurable disease I live in the rats an in the fleas A faint light shining through All of your open wounds when you hold your breath we’re both closer to death at least for a minute or two Oh the crack of your neck when you turn your head there’s a sticky dark pool of blood in your bed
2.
Kafka 03:46
Here are some things that I’ve been thinking a lot about since then A blue-hued figure in the corner overlooking everything Hunger was our hero Hunger was our home My body is aging but my mind is still a newborn baby, greeted by a cruel and fluorescent ceiling Why is everything always too much Why is everything never enough I read a paperback ‘Kafka On The Shore’ in the car I haven’t gotten that far into the story yet I’m trying to get into reading again I read one line and had to reread it a fourth time not feeling entertained I haven’t touched anyone like that since then I had a lover, but we were never friends Why is everything always too much Why Is everything never enough
3.
I know I’m too soft But I’ve tried hard at being hard enough I still bruise so easily Like a fuzzy peach fallen from its tree big blue abrasion lone heart calculating: am I out of sync with you? I only think of you I only think of you Could I deserve this exquisite bliss The crinkle at the corner of your eyes I have a feeling However fleeting that this is real and you are mine You caught me jump on the bed in our first hotel room I’m amused so easily It’s one of the things that you love about me heavy exhalation blue heart levitating How can I feel so safe with you and yet feel so defenseless around you Could I deserve this exquisite bliss The crinkle at the corner of your eyes I have a feeling However fleeting that this is real and you are mine Could I deserve this I feel your smile through a kiss the crinkle at the corner of your eyes I have a feeling However fleeting that this is real and you are mine
4.
A raging torrent, a gentle stream
 are there no restful places for me
 it seems there are no healthy in-betweens 
 I’m either falling or I am in a dream For the the sake of simplicity
 I’ll skip the usual gimmickry
 so, yes I do take creamer in my coffee
 I’m always two steps behind of who I’m supposed to be Yet another river burst its banks on new years eve 
 I’m not gonna procrastinate
 or be fooled by my own misbeliefs
 this year I’ll keep a journal and write down all the days
 that I’m not panicked when I am unafraid,
 then maybe I’ll be okay
 I’ll be okay
5.
I’m straightening my back
to let my posture speak for me I am put together, 
I’m my own kind of pretty Don’t you think? I’m growing out my bangs now 
They’re in that awkward middle phase My skin keeps breaking out,
 I gotta stop picking at my face Don’t you think? Don’t you think? “I was always good at bullshitting people
 into believing that I'm showing myself”
 It really is important to double-check your captions to make sure they’re not misspelled. Don’t you think? Don’t you think? Actually, I wasn’t gonna drink this week But then, what are you gonna do
 when you get a group text that reads ‘So where do we meet later on tonight’? What do you think? 
 What do you think? 
What do you think? Myself Misspelled Did I mistake happiness for having fun? 
 There’s always that indifference that I'm trying to outrun If I can’t be seen by someone
 Then I want to be seen by everyone

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released October 16, 2020

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Brimheim Malmö, Sweden

Crafting lyricism with candid veracity, Brimheim’s brand of indie rock provides the unexpected
yet catchy. Articulate phrases run their nails along her day-to-day attempts to decipher the ‘how to’ of happiness. Naturally, an underlying current of anxiety undulates throughout, but occasional flowerings of hope and humor offer a welcome and
contrasting fragrance.
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